O god. Why did it have to be Joyce? She was it wasnt her time. It couldnt have been. Hell, I miss her. Before this whole thing with Buffy started, we would talk a lot. Bout Passions, her gallery, how I was, how Buffy and the wee-one were doing. A few times we talked about my past, or other things I had done with Dru. It was fun. You know, to have someone to chat with. And she always gave me hot chocolate. With the little marsh mellows.

Im getting close to her grave now. A familiar sent hits me. Buffy. And another sent to. Male. I know it well. My pouf of a sire is back in town. I get closer, just enough so I can hear them, without being seen.

It was Buffy I heard first. The funeral was she sighed It was brutal, but its tomorrow Im worried about. She was worried about something? If she would let me, I would try my best to make it better. But she never will.

Whats tomorrow? my wanker of a grand-sire asked. You have no right to be here Angel! You left her! You have no right!

That exactly what I dont know. Up until now, I Ive had a road map. Things to do every minute, having to do with mom. She told the pouf.

Tomorrow the stuff of everyday living resumes. Angel told her. What does that wanker know? Ass hole.

And everybody expects me to know how to do it because her voice get sarcastic Im SO strong. Aww luv. Dont talk like that.

You just need some time. Im sure everybody understands that. Angel told her. God I hate him. He gets everything. The girl. The friends. The family. And what do I get? Sod all!

Times not the issue. I can stick wood in vampires but mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better. Just what to say. Buffy told him. Luv, youre strong to. Dont ever believe you arent.

Yeah youll find your way. I mean, not all at once but Bloody hell, does he ever shut up! Nancy-boy poufter.

My golden goddess shook her head I dont know. I keep thinking about it when I found her. If I had gotten there just ten minutes earlier Oh shit. She blames herself? Dont do that luv. It wasnt your fault.

You said they told you that it wouldnt have made a difference. Angel said. Much as I hate to agree with my grandsire, he is right about that. It couldnt be helped my love.

They said probably wouldnt have made a difference. The exact thing they said was probably. I havent told that to anyone. Except Peaches. And now me. But you dont have to know that.

Doesnt make it you fault. You couldnt have done anything different. Yeah luv. Hear him? Not. Your. Fault.

She is getting annoyed with him now. I silently cheer. I didnt even star CPR until they told me. I fell apart. Thats how good I am at being a grownup. Will she never stop blaming herself?

Buffy Now the pouf it getting annoyed. Ha!

And itd be ok if it was just me I had to worry about. But Dawn If she asked me, I would gladly help her take care of the nibblit. Anything to help her.

Look, its ok. I know you dont feel like it now, but you are strong Buffy. Youre gonna figure this out. And you have people to help you. You dont have to do this alone. Yeah. You have Red, and the whelp, and the demon girl, and Wicca, and Nibblit. And me. Even though you dont want me. Youll always have me.

She looks up at the sky Its gonna be light soon. I look up to. Yeah, shes right. I better get inside before I fry.

I can stay in town as long as you want me. Well, she doesnt need you, so go on and scamper back to Los Angeles Peaches.

Hows forever. Does forever work for you? WHAT?! I cant handle being in the same room as brood boy for more than five minutes, let alone forever!!

She turns to face him. Thats a bad idea Im seriously needy right now. She tells pouffy in an apologetic tone. Now that is not happening! Last thing we need at a time like this is Angelus!

Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it. Uh-oh. That spells trouble. See? Trouble: T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

Oh god. She isnt, shes not, and she is. They are kissing. Thats it. I am leaving. I get up and walk towards my crypt. Why did she go to him for comfort? Why not me? She used to, before she found out she takes up ever thought in my head. Every dream I have at night. It used to be ME. Its not fair. He left her. He left the most perfect thing that ever crossed his path, WILLINGLY. He wasnt forced. She knows this. And still, the second he comes back to town, there she is. In him arms. Just like she used to be. I slam open the door to my crypt. If mum were here, it wouldnt be like this. I was wearing her down again. I would sit out on the back porch, she would stay inside the doorframe, and we would chat. Just like old times. If mum were here. Yeah. So I am gonna get her back. I will do whatever I have to, to get her back. Not just for Buffy. Not just for Nibblit. But for me. I NEED her. If mum were here. Yeah, if mum were here

The End